I’ve Made It…Time to Enjoy the Ride

January 28th, 2010

I was recounting this story with a friend over a cup of coffee this morning and decided it was worth sharing here as well. Every once in awhile we should pause to appreciate what we really have created in our lives.

photo by mconnors

I remember visiting a friend’s house about seven years ago when my oldest was still just a baby. My husband and I were over there for dinner and to play some cards. When I walked through the door, I was immediately engulfed in warmth, savory smells and what sounded like a significantly sized pack of children tearing the house apart. After removing our coats in the mudroom, we headed for the kitchen where Kerry was simultaneously ladling what looked to be tuna casserole into a container while chatting on the phone. She smiled and gave us a quick wave to encourage us in further.

Meanwhile, their three elementary-aged daughters and friends pounded into the kitchen and asked for juice. While still on the phone she grabbed the pitcher from the fridge and doled out six cups, poured the juice, and popped a sippy lid on each one. She got off the phone and asked her oldest daughter to take the casserole, some bread and a salad over to the neighbor’s house.

“She’s sick,” she told us by explanation.

Then she proceded to ask us what we wanted to drink and offer us some snacks until our prime rib was ready. Prime rib??? Really? As my mind wrapped around the thought of prime rib on a weeknight, I heard a couple more people enter the mudroom behind us.

I had only been to their home once before, and I glanced around now. It was clean, but had the lived-in clutter of a busy family. I turned back to the kitchen scene. Kerry seemed completely at ease as she chatted, joked and prepped our dinner. That night we ate well, played some poker and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Most importantly, everyone was at ease and felt completely welcome. Not everything went perfectly, but I don’t even remember what those little imperfect moments were. I just remember the atmosphere of a busy family that didn’t feel strained or stressful. It was fun.

Since that night, I’ve always held Kerry up as a bit of an icon of what I wanted to become. This was the family life I wanted. My baby was sweet and soft and quiet, but I craved the bustle and organized chaos that I experienced in this home. I craved the ability to handle that organized chaos with the same grace and obvious love as Kerry did. She was superwoman in my eyes.

Let’s flash forward seven years…

I am in my kitchen having just had our neighbor, Janet, over for dinner. She has dinner at our home every week after she graciously spends time working with our 5-year-old son on his speech issues. I had made a cider pork roast and Janet and I were sitting back and chatting at the kitchen table which is a near miracle because the noise in the house was deafening. My childrens’ friends from down the street had popped in for a short visit as well and were currently playing tag around the circular floorplan of our home. Every 30 secondsor so, five children ranging from age ten to two pounded through the kitchen followed by an exhuberantly happy jack russell.

I felt my blood-pressure rising. I started to feel anxious and ready to pop when my mind suddenly flashed to that scene seven years prior. And I realized that this was it. I had arrived. This was the life I envisioned for my family. At one point in my life I craved this.

I now realize that I have no idea what Kerry was feeling the night we had prime rib. She seemed calm to me. But she could have been having an absolute coronary inside. She could have been wondering what in the hell she could have possibly been thinking having kids over, caring for a sick neighbor, plus making prime rib for 6 dinner guests. I know I do. I realize that my Monday night pork roast with Janet was not at that level, but I also know that we have had nights that weren’t far from it.

I glanced around my kitchen. It was clean but had the lived-in clutter of a busy family of five. Some days are better than others with regards to how clean it is. This was a good day.

I found myself taking a deep breath. Just enjoy it. I turned and looked at Janet.

“Would you like a glass of wine?”

Filed under Food, Life in General, Up Close and Personal | Comments (7)

My Cup Runneth Over….

January 14th, 2009

For all of my male relatives and friends who may be reading this (any man for that matter), STOP READING NOW. You will receive WAY too much personal female information and your head may explode.

As you may remember, one of my goals for 2009 was to begin using a Diva Cup. Well, last week I went out to Gentle Rain in Stratford and bought myself a cup. I had read all the testemonials on the website that said using one of these cups makes you practically forget your period except for the 2-3 times that you change it each day. It can be worn up to 12 hours at a stretch and, if inserted correctly, will not leak and a pad theoretically does not even need to be worn (although a pantiliner is recommended in case of small leaks).

So the Diva Cup intrigued me in a couple of ways: something reusable that can save me money by lasting for years and reduce my contribution to the local landfill; and something that is more comfortable and convenient than traditional tampons and pads. Let me tell you, after buying mine last week I could NOT WAIT for my period to start (a bit pathetic, I know).

Well, I am now on day two of my period and the damn cup is not working. I will not even go into detail about the trauma that I first experienced when trying to even get it in and out (they don’t mention that in the testemonials). My bathroom looked like a crime scene after I finally got done working out all the details. Now I’ve got insertion and extraction mastered, but am not having much success with anything else. The cup is not opening properly and it is leaking as if it weren’t even there.

After seaching online, I found a fantastic mind-bogglingly great menstral cup resource that has helped me pinpoint some of my problems. I recommend this site to anyone considering a cup and wish that I had found it prior to buying my Diva. Here is what I think my cup issues are:

Diva cup directions: Everyone across the board seems to agree that the directions and illustrations that come with the Diva Cup suck are sadly lacking. There are much more realistic (and graphic) instructions provided by other women on the site. One woman wrote that she wasn’t sure of the last time she touched her ‘cookie’ so many times in one day.

Folding: I had no idea the number of different folds that can be used to insert the cup. One is so complicated that it is actually called origami. The Diva Cup instructions only give you the ‘C’ fold which may be the easiest but also the least effective and most uncomfortable. I have found the ‘Punch Down’ and the ‘7′ folds to be easiest and most effective for me.

Muscle strength: I think this is my biggest problem right now. I should have listened when my OB kept harrassing suggesting that I do my kegels! My cup has not been popping open properly, and I thought that it was a size issue. But now I suspect that my pelvic floor muscles are not strong enough to hold my cup in place. So, it is riding up too high, not properly opening and therefore leaking.

Style of Menstrual Cup: Diva Cup is probably the most mainstream of the cups. It was also the only option at my local health food store. But I now realize that there are quite a few cups out there and they vary in size, colour, flexibility and softness. There are also quite a range of prices and coupons to be found. I paid $35 Canadian for my Diva. But apparently you can buy one at iherb.com for a total cost of $15.49, which includes shipping. Their regular price is $18.99, but you can get $5 off with the code MUR878, taking the price down to $13.99 and they only charge $1.50 shipping in the U. S. (I’m not sure of their Canadian shipping rates).

So here is the rundown: I have not yet given up on my Diva, although many people seem to agree that it may be the most difficult cup to use for a beginner due to its size and more rigid silicone. I will work hard at my kegels this month and will hopefully have a much nicer visit with Aunt Flo next month.

I will recommend a menstrual cup to anyone who:

- is willing to have a very, very intimate relationship with her ‘cookie’
- is willing to do a bit of homework about the type of cup is best for them
- wants to save money over the long run
- is ready to give up traditional pads (although I wouldn’t do this immediately until you feel that you have got the cup mastered
- feels strongly that even a small, silicone cup can help make a big stride towards preserving our environment

Let me know if you have tried, plan to try, or have had any success/failure with these cups. You’ve already learned way too much information about me…you might as well share too!