Are You a Tosser or a Keeper???
I struggle with this one….I want to be a tosser. We visited our friends’ house yesterday and despite their four children (plus our three along with another one to top off the mix), their home seemed so serene. Okay, maybe not at that moment, but when I was able to sneak away from the chaos and peek in all the bedrooms (with permission of course), they were the epitome of serene home life - clean, organized and with each child’s personality in mind. None of the rooms were overly sparse. They all had character. They were just so clean of all the crap that typically accumulates around children.
Talking to Cindy later, she admitted that she is a Tosser. She hates for the inevitable kids’ clutter to start to pile up. If she doesn’t have a place or a use for something it is outta there. I’ve had conversations like this with other minimalist friends, too - well, as minimalist as you can be with children. Don’t get me wrong- these children aren’t by any means deprived of toys. There is just a definite designated place for them. And if there isn’t a place, that toy doesn’t belong in the house. Period.
I really do want to be a Tosser. But the reality is that I’m really a keeper. I see something broken and think about how I can possibly use it for something else. I look at my kids’ toys and remember who gave it to them and for what occasion. And how do you toss the painted sculpture that was painstakingly and lovingly made from a toilet paper roll?
The problem really compounds itself when your children are keepers too. I will admit to smuggling things out of their rooms while they’re away at school, even after I swore that I would never be the kind of Mom who would do something like that without the expressed permission of her children. But how else do you get rid of the collection of tattered dolls that haven’t been seen or touched in years?
Worse yet, I am a thrift store, garage sale and FreeCycle junkie (emphasis on the junk). My husband is continuously frustrated by what enters our home. But what he sees as trash, I see as potential. Plus that thrifty part of me loves that it was either dirt cheap or free. You won’t believe the chandelier I just pulled out of someone’s trash pile. All it needs is a good coat of paint and it will be fantastic. But I digress..
What this all adds up to is clutter. And I have a lot of it.
What works most against me is my ongoing attempt to be greener. Whenever I finally do decide to give something the boot, I have to consider: “Is this decent enough to give to charity?” “Can I recycle this?” “Is this really going to be doomed to lie in a landfill forever and ever?” It’s enough to freeze you from any ability to make a decision.
And then your house itself becomes the landfill.
As usual, I attempt to find the middle ground that fits me. I’m not a minimalist - I like the cozy feel of our old victorian home. It wraps me in a hug of warmth and comfort every day. I love the sense of history that most items in our home have. There is a story behind each of them. But there is a fine line between cozy comfort and clutter, and lately our house has crossed that line. Time to pare back and find that balance again.
And it will be done the Greenest way possible.
Are you a Tosser or a Keeper? Leave me a comment to let me know!
Filed under Cleaning and Organization |4 Responses to “Are You a Tosser or a Keeper???”
Leave a Reply
Hi Jen, Yes I use to be a keeper and I hear you on the thrift store business, but then I went to a Waldorf conference in Toronto this past spring and it was the moment that changed me- the speaker was Dr.Kim John Payne. WOW is all I have to say. The guy was amazing. His web site is http://www.thechildtoday.com. He spoke about decluttering our homes to HELP our children. All of the crap we have is actually slowing them down. Too much of TOO MUCH. His theories really made me think and then the light just clicked on. So its me that has to ask to declutter and make the space better for them…the result will be less crazy kids. Less crazy space. So I took his lessons on how to purge (apparently his nick name is Dr. Trash bag since he shows up at clients houses to discuss the ADD their kids have and trashes toys….) and I came home and four large garbage bags left my house (broken toys were either recycled or trashed and others were donated to local charity resale stores)- and too this day- not one of the items in the bags had ever been asked for again! I took his advice on how to say a cosmic thank you to the auntie who gave junior the robot that consumes six AA batteries and lasts for two hours- you need batteries and headache medicine. Yes It was lovely for her to think of us and yes we loved the toy- but it was loved and appreciated and now we move on.
That to me was the most difficult thing…
Now we have a Christmas purge- Did you not hear- Santa will not come to houses that the toys have not been sorted and purged? My two are in the middle of saying goodbye to some toys. I will do my secret review and get rid of the toys that they will honestly not even know about as well. In stealth mode- the Mom way.
I have a question to anyone out there reading this- I am desperately trying to get myself into ‘frugal’ mode this week! I have reset the thermostats, hung clothes line in my basement, set a grocery list that is under $200 a week, and run around unplugging thing we are not using….WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO NOT ONLY SAVE MONEY BUT SAVE ENERGY TOO!?? HELP MOM’S!
This is exactly the kind of thing that I need to hear to help motivate me to get this stuff outta here! It also helps me to curb the spending when I realize that I am most likely buying things that I will want out of my home within a year anyway.
Like you, we also do a big purge just before Christmas. I keep the bags and boxes in the basement so that we can take them to charity for a proper ‘Boxing Day.’ I like for the kids to have a tradition of giving, rather than viewing the day after Christmas as an opportunity to buy more stuff on sale.
Thanks for the reply, Bec!
Hi Jenni, I was just checking out your website and had quite a chuckle when I saw that you had written about our “serene” home. I think the reason I found it so amusing was that I just had to wonder whether anyone ever truly looks at their home (people who have children anyways) and considers it serene? Every day I find new piles of toys that have somehow accumulated on countertops and on top of chairs. It is a constant battle and some days I am just not up for the challenge. These are the days when the “tossing” usually occurs (always with the children at school). We donate the toys to charity and it does break my heart to throw the broken ones out. Other days however I am fully charged and ready to tackle the chaos. That venture usually lasts for about 2 days at which point I give up and realize that I have 4 children. We do a Christmas purge as well with the toys going to charity. Another way to keep toys from accumulating is to ask friends who are attending birthday parties to give a small donation to a charity of your child’s choice. People don’t like showing up empty handed to birthday parties and do the children really need presents from family and from friends? Many of the birthday parties that you go to now the children don’t open the gifts up anyways.
Thanks Jenni, (next time you should check out my closets!
Hey Cindy!
I know houses always seem serene from an outside point-of-view. The reality is always something different, isn’t it? I would be absolutely shocked if someone labeled my home that way!
Your house is absolutely beautiful and comfortable, and I know that to keep any home that way must often seem like an uphill battle. It takes one mom of 3 to really appreciate when a mom of 4 really seems to be on top of her game! You seem to have great control of what accumulates in the wake of children, and you threw a great party to boot! We had a blast (the kids slept all the way home after about 5 minutes in the car).
I like your birthday party idea of having guests give to a favourite charity. I also have not had any qualms in the past about asking grandparents for trips to the museum or movies in lieu of another toy.
I hope you keep reading the blog!!! Send me a comment now and then!